C550
All sentient beings possess emotions.
From the religious who practice moderation in all things, to the beasts guided more by instinct than reason, to the souls that wander without flesh.
Even the Absolutes.
And much less can beings who have reached the state of Absolute completely rid themselves of their emotions. Some deceive themselves into believing they are free from the Five Skandhas, but they have only acquired a different way of viewing the world.
According to Lucas, the existence furthest from the concept of "emotion" were the Rulers. To endure their dull existence, they sometimes acted as if they felt emotions, but in reality, they were unmoved by anything.
Emotions were present, yes, but the world that contained them was too small and insignificant to affect them.
The Lightning God,
No. It was after meeting Residue that I understood that reality.
...In summary, according to Lucas's perspective, existence and emotions were inseparable concepts. However, right now, in front of him, there was a being who, despite being alive, had lost her emotions. She wasn't a religious, nor a beast, nor a dead, much less an Absolute. Just a human.
...His former disciple.
"..."
Min Harin sat with vacant eyes in front of the collapsed cave.
"Why did you do it?"
Lucas's voice sounded slightly tense.
"Why did you abandon your emotions?"
Min Harin didn't immediately respond. She lowered her head, as if trying to understand Lucas's intentions or as if she were organizing her thoughts.
"At that time..."
Finally, an answer came, as soft as autumn leaves falling.
"I was tormented by a feeling of helplessness."
"..."
"I thought I should inherit the Master's place and role. It was what he seemed to desire."
"That's..."
"I know. You never said a word about it. It was just my own interpretation."
Min Harin took responsibility, but was it really like that?
...No. She was mistaken.
Lucas had also hoped, to some extent, that Min Harin would assume that role. At that time, Lucas was suffering from deep self-contradiction and was aware of his own shortcomings. And he hoped that Min Harin, that girl, could become something superior to him.
"To lead those who were left, many elements were needed. Overwhelming power or charisma, innate status or achievements recognized by all..."
She listed them one by one, then shook her head.
"I had none of that."
"...And that's why you went to the 'Lower Universe'?"
"That was the first Universe I approached. I saw it as an opportunity. The battle in the 'Grand Games' honed my talent several times, but that wasn't enough. As a mortal, limited by my birth, I couldn't face the radical change in the situation without overcoming that barrier."
"Radical change" refers to the Great Fusion that occurred in the Three Thousand Worlds.
"You couldn't choose what to sacrifice?"
"..."
"I regret all your sacrifices, but among them... I am deeply saddened that you abandoned your emotions."
"I don't think it was a wrong choice."
Unlike Lucas, who filled with sadness, Min Harin's voice remained unmoved.
"The power gained by abandoning them is considerable, and in the long run, the absence of emotions is a great advantage."
She's right.
How efficient can a being without a hint of emotion be?
In everything. Even in training. I understand.
...I understand, really, but...
"...Advantage, you say. Despite what it has made you into."
"Eh?"
"Do you not regret it?"
"..."
Lucas bit his lip.
Min Harin no longer has emotions. What can I say to a girl like that?
"Master."
Min Harin spoke with a calm voice.
"I have only renounced emotions. The responsibility and mission still weigh on my shoulders."
He was speechless. The current Min Harin doesn't know. She can no longer understand. That responsibility and mission without emotions are futile. Because all living beings change. They keep changing. And at the core of that are emotions. People constantly change as they see the world and experience new things. Until the moment of death, or even after death.
But without emotions... there is no change.
It just stays.
Until the point of breaking, no, until the point of "crumbling."
If there's a slight deviation from the original mission, the responsibility, it cannot be corrected. They will firmly stick to Min Harin without hesitation and carry her "to the end."
Can that be called a mission?
It's nothing more than a curse.
"Why..."
Min Harin was already speaking of the "Min Harin" from then and the "Min Harin" of now, separating them. He felt a constant sense of strangeness, as if he were talking about someone else's story.
Lucas's heart filled with complex sadness.
...Was the responsibility and pressure Min Harin felt so strong?
Was it so painful that she couldn't bear it without giving up emotions?
"Don't you understand?"
Lucas looked at Min Harin again. He looked at her cold pupils, shining with the transparency of glass.
"What did you mean to me back then? What kind of being were you?"
"...What?"
"You were the most perfect Savior I could imagine, a Hero. And that person entrusted me with the 'next step.' I had no choice but to accept. It was too great an honor."
"──."
Suddenly he realized. It wasn't the responsibility or the pressure that led Min Harin to such an extreme choice.
─And most of the people you saved probably felt like they were receiving a God. Do you understand? To them, you're an indicator of absolute goodness.
The words of the Beginning Wizard came to mind. The image of himself, never perfect and always battling self-contradiction, became the ultimate goal Min Harin had to achieve from her perspective at that moment.
Lucas, as the Absolute, minimized his emotions. Most of the time, he acted with indifference and responded without emotions.
An improper behavior, one that could never be considered right. But Min Harin didn't know that it was wrong. On the contrary, she saw it as a sign of strength.
...A longing too pure and intense.
"I just wanted to follow in the Master's footsteps."
As he listened to Min Harin's voice, Lucas once again remembered the words of the Beginning Wizard.
The influence he had,
And why "Lucas Traumen" had to die.
----------------------------
The world was crumbling, and the substance of Destruction cascaded down.
It was evident.
The black liquid he had just seen had the same properties as the Destruction Lucas had seen through the "Fountain of Wisdom."
"It's happening. The Destruction."
As sudden as it was expected, but in an unimaginable form. Lucas looked at the broken sky and pondered.
Had this event already occurred before the Regression repeated? If so, why didn't I realize it? Because the "Magic Planet" was the most closed of Territories?
No. More than that.
"What is the Beginning Wizard doing?"
Lucas thought of the Master of the Magic Tower. That man couldn't be unaware of this situation, is he already acting? Or can he not prevent it from leaking completely? Did he suspect this situation? If so, what was his true intention in bringing Lucas to the Magic Tower?
...Something doesn't add up.
Lucas recalled what happened in "Demoncio," the territory of the 0th Demon and Sedi.
There, Lucas encountered the Beginning Wizard. Although he was only an avatar, they spoke.
"Even with the Magic Tower in this state, did the Beginning Wizard have room to send an avatar?"
No. It's hard to think that. Suddenly, two thoughts came to Lucas's mind at the same time.
...If this didn't happen in "that world,"
Am I responsible for the Destruction time being advanced?
[Do you feel remorse?]
"……."
[Destruction is important, undoubtedly. Just like the thoughts you have now. But you focus too much on reflecting on it. Isn't that so? Even now, your attention and concern are focused on that woman.]
"I…"
[Don't try to deny it. You yourself know better than anyone what kind of relationship we have.]
Lucas fell silent. The wind no longer blew on the snowy plain.
[Do you remember what I told the Beginning Wizard?]
"…You're only responsible for the consequences of the decisions you make."
Lucas sighed.
"That's what you said."
[Do you think differently?]
"No."
Residue's thoughts were arrogant and authoritative, but it couldn't be said they were completely wrong.
However...
"Harin was my disciple."
[And?]
"I should have realized the confusion she was feeling. That's the role of a teacher."
[Ha. Pointing out and correcting mistakes is the essence of a teacher's existence. Just warning has its limits. Until you burn yourself, it only feels warm and pleasant. Understand? It all begins when the clumsy disciple experiences things for themselves and feels firsthand what's wrong.]
Residue's voice calmed.
[But, what are you regretting now? What kind of being do you want to become? Do you intend to have your disciple under your control so she doesn't even make the slightest mistake? Is your idea of ideal teaching to keep her as a flawless jewel without a single blemish?]
"Are you trying to teach me something with that? Do you think I'm that ignorant? This is a fundamental problem. Irreparable mistakes exist in the world."
[Irreparable mistakes? Do such things really exist in this world? Let me ask you this. What do you consider an "irreparable mistake"? Killing your parents? Bringing a world to destruction?]
Residue's biting attitude irritated Lucas.
"Your intrusion into my consciousness is an irreversible mistake, isn't it?"
[...]
Residue fell silent.
Lucas, after speaking, bit his lip with remorse.
It was a despicable personal attack. Despite knowing how much it would distress Residue, he couldn't contain his momentary anger. Lucas felt nauseous with self-loathing.
Residue remained silent for a long time.
Did Lucas's words hurt him? Does he feel bitterness?
Finally, Residue murmured too.
[...That could have been reversed as well. Or perhaps, from the beginning, it wasn't even a mistake. Lucas. It was you who taught me that.]
"……."
[You're not just a dreamer. Nobody knows contradictions as well as you do. That's why you had the capacity to accept everything. What I want to ask you is, why can't 'you, who calls yourself a master,' be like that?]
Residue's words were harsh. Lucas couldn't find words to refute it and remained silent.
[Don't you already know that a perfect master is an impossible existence? If you're concerned about that girl's situation, do what you can.]
What I can do. I don't know. Right now, I don't know what I can do for Min Harin.
Crunch…
The crack in the sky widened even more.
[...This world is already wrong, Lucas. Remember the original purpose.]
"Do you want me to go up again? When nothing has been resolved?"
[Ha. You speak as if you were a spoiled child. Have you lived your whole life expecting problems to come one by one, kindly? Was life that kind to you? If you have a problem you can't solve immediately, do you have no choice but to let it pass?]
"…"
Residue declared coldly.
[Go up, Lucas. Towards the highest floor, towards the source of the destruction liquid. That's what you must do now.]
Tags:
TGMRA (Novel)