C523
His judgment wasn't wrong. Because no matter what happens, Lucas wouldn't regret it. He had learned and observed this attitude through someone else.
He had forgotten it for a long time. Life is an endless series of choices, and the consequences of the decisions one makes cannot be transferred to anyone. They shouldn't be transferred.
But how would Pale interpret these words? And what attitude would she take?
He wouldn't know without experiencing it directly.
"..."
The silence lingered.
Because Pale didn't open her mouth. So Lucas didn't say anything either. He had already said everything he had to say at this moment. He had no right to speak until she showed some reaction.
With difficulty, Pale approached. With her usual expressionless face, she shortened the distance until she was close to Lucas. Her outstretched hand was so pale it looked white. It was as if she were wearing white gloves. That hand gently caressed Lucas's cheek.
"..."
He could feel there was no hostility in this gesture. Of course, for Pale, it wouldn't be difficult to completely conceal her murderous intent, but still, Lucas didn't stop her action.
Because this behavior had some meaning, and at least he didn't feel like she was going to kill him at this moment.
Pale's lips moved.
"Are you lying?"
"Lie?"
"I don't sense any repulsive trace in you."
Had she explored his insides, or even his mind, through physical contact?
"It's natural. The Lightning God that's in my body right now is in a special situation."
What remains in Lucas's mind now are just the remnants of the "Lightning God," in other words, the waste.
Even for Lucas, who directly shared his mind, the presence was so weak that it would be difficult for a stranger like Pale to discern his existence, even with keen senses.
"Oh. And what kind of situation is that?"
"I can't talk about it."
[…]
This matter was related to the honor of the "Lightning God" that remained in Lucas's mind. Even if they were considered enemies, a minimum of mutual respect was required.
Although it meant hiding the truth from Pale, this was different from a lie or deception.
"Hmm, I see."
Seeming satisfied, Pale took a step back.
"And then there's the regression. Wow. That power again..."
Muttering to herself, she looked at Lucas again.
A smile returned to her lips.
"So? Why do you reveal something like this suddenly? You didn't say anything at first."
Pale smiled with a pearly whiteness.
"Have you been spinning around and been advised by the Exiled, or maybe the White Knight?"
“…”
…Indeed.
This was quite eerie.
Did it mean she had been reading his actions all along?
But what was her intention in patiently waiting?
Lucas shook his head. It wasn't the time to think about that.
"It's true that their actions have influenced me. But the decisive factor was the Lightning God residing in me."
"Then, is that bastard really inside your body?"
"I can prove it."
Pale looked at Lucas silently for a while and then suddenly asked.
"Dude, do you want to die?"
“…No.”
"Then why do you keep trying to die?"
Approaching again, Pale pushed Lucas's chest with a finger.
Had she infused murderous intent?
Just that made a tingling sensation run through Lucas's entire body.
"I've already checked and told you I can't feel the Rulers' power at all in your body. Do you think I can't sense the presence of those bastards?"
Crack~
The ground began to tremble. Consequently, the surrounding buildings shook violently like blades of grass whipped by a strong wind.
"Don't you get it yet? If a Ruler were in your body, you'd already be dead. You'd probably have become a miserable piece of flesh without even being able to react."
“…….”
"Or do you believe in reincarnation and keep going like this? Wow. In that case, it would make more sense. 'Let's live this life to the fullest this time. Let's see how far we can go,' if that's your mood in doing so…”
"It's not like that. I don't have more chances. Believe it or not, this is the last time."
"Then why?"
Lucas laughed bitterly.
"I realized that the first step is the most important."
"What are you saying?"
"This is the closest way to understand you. That's what I'm saying."
The trembling of the ground suddenly stopped. Pale's face reflected bewilderment.
"Understand me?"
"Yes."
“…Pu, pujijiji. Ajajaja.”
Pale covered her face with her hands. A muffled laugh escaped between her curly hair.
"How?"
And her blue eyes shone between her fingers. The moment he looked at them, his heart sank. They were like blue moons shining with madness.
"How are you going to understand me? What do you know about me? Oh, did you say you knew everything about my past? No matter how many times you've reincarnated."
Pale chuckled.
"But, you know what? From my point of view, that's just plain disgusting."
It's true.
I don't know anything about the other, but the other knows everything I've wanted to hide.
If the situation were reversed, Lucas would have felt revulsion too.
But.
"It's better than lying from the beginning."
“…….”
"The disgust you feel now is less than if I had hidden from you that I know everything about you. Am I wrong?"
There was no negative response. Pale just stared at him with a calm smile on her face.
If someone else had seen it, they wouldn't have been able to know what she was thinking. But Lucas is different. He knows.
At this moment, Pale agreed with Lucas's words.
"Summing up what you've said, is this it? You believe in reincarnation, but I'm not sure if the Lightning God is in your body."
"In short, yes."
Here, avoiding the subject could also be an option.
And then, in the future,
If Pale were to believe this fact, at any time,
If she became sure that the remnant of the Lightning God resides in Lucas's body,
At that moment, Lucas could say: "I told you back then."
That way, he wouldn't have lied.
But...
‘No.’
Lucas shook his head.
[What do you mean by no?]
The Lightning God, who had been silent until now, spoke.
[Do you realize what you're doing? This isn't just poking into a hornet's nest. It's pushing your neck against the edge of someone who says they have no intention of killing you.]
He was about to burst into laughter. It was a rather human metaphor for the Lightning God.
["Didn't you say that this life is the last? Have you gone crazy? Or have you just given up and want to die?"]
"It's neither of those. Lightning God, do you think I've changed?"
["You seem like a madman."]
This time he laughed heartily.
Pale looked at him perplexed.
["What are you laughing at? Do you enjoy being insulted?"]
"No, Lightning God. I just remembered the old times."
["The old times?"]
"In the past, you often called me that."
The Lightning God, who had been silent for a while, let out an incredulous sound.
[…Mad.]
"Yes. I thought maybe I had changed a little after repeating the Regression, but now that you confirm that I'm crazy myself, I feel somewhat relieved. It's like I've returned to those past days, somehow I feel quite cheerful."
[Hpmh.]
The Lightning God snorted and shut his mouth, as if not wanting to continue speaking.
Lucas looked at Pale again.
"If you can't believe it until the end, I can't help it. I have no choice but to show you."
"Show what?"
Without answering, he gathered his strength. Indeed, this was his last resort. The "Thunder" left by the Lightning God, nothing more than scum.
Lucas didn't want to waste this power.
Paff!
The moment a pale lightning sprouted from Lucas's fingertips, Pale's gaze changed.
Her aura changed too. She extended her hand.
Kwagagak! A sword piercing through the ground was grabbed by Pale's hand. Unrestrained killer energy swirled around the blade.
Lucas smiled faintly.
She raised the sword and assumed a battle stance. In other words, Pale finally acknowledged that he had a Ruler within him.
Kyaak!
The sword slashed. Her movements felt a bit slower than usual.
Could it be because he had just fought the White Knight?
Or simply because Pale had not yet fully become a Knight of the Apocalypse?
Kagak!
Lucas dodged the attack, but the aura emanating from the sword mercilessly cut through the ground, and a storm swept the area.
"It's contradictory."
Despite wielding the sword with formidable aura, Pale's expression and breathing remained unchanged. It was a somewhat terrifying sight.
"Contradictory?"
"If you really wanted to understand me, you shouldn't have accepted the Rulers."
"It was a greater force… Even if I tell you, you won't believe it, will you?"
Pale brandished her sword without responding. Lucas retreated without fighting. He had no intention of testing his strength against Pale in this place.
One step, two steps...
As he backed away, he snapped his fingers at the planned moment.
A black space opened like a curtain behind Lucas. Soon, his figure was absorbed and disappeared.
Pale burst into laughter.
"Hahaha! Do you really think you can escape with a simple teleportation? Seriously?"
She plunged her sword into the closing space and then turned the blade vertically. The space that had narrowed screamed and reopened.
Just before it closed, Pale leaped into the space.
The space that soon opened was the void, yet she landed without hesitation.
Tak.
Pale's gaze swept the surrounding area. The mountains of corpses and the sea of blood were a true hell. A place where the stench of decay filled the air nauseatingly.
"…This is it."
"The Dump Site."
Lucas replied.
He was sitting on a mountain of corpses.
"Wow. Did you come here on purpose because you didn't want the Underground City to be affected?"
Lucas shrugged.
"Don't be ridiculous. Most of this place is empty. If my goal was a place with fewer people, there were many other options. This place is the only one that makes sense. So I can talk to you."
"What nonsense are you spouting now?"
"You're an unpleasant person, Pale."
"……."
Pale's expression remained unchanged.
"Even after learning about your past, I felt sympathy and compassion, but still, the feeling of disgust dominated me. I hope you understand. It's hard to love someone who has led you to death so many times, no matter the circumstances."
"What do you want me to do?"
"…Still, it's as I tell you. I can't leave you alone. You…"
Lucas said with a smile.
Just as she snorted and was about to draw her sword again, he spoke again.
"I'm going to start starving from now on."
That word,
The word "starve" stopped Pale's movement.
Her face cooled.
"…You know about my past and say that lightly?"
"Lightly? No, you're the one speaking lightly."
Lucas's voice also turned cold in an instant.
"Don't you understand yet? With what determination do you think I've come here?"
"I'll explain it to you in simple terms. If you don't want to die right now…"
"I know why you were alone. You have a wound that you can't share with anyone. If only you had been 'outside,' you could have found others of your kind, but here there isn't a single one. Why?"
Lucas's gaze turned to the ceiling of the Dump Site and the sky beyond.
"Because in this world, hunger doesn't exist."
“…….”
"In the Void World, disintegration occurs before hunger can be felt. Both here and outside, the fundamental reason we eat is to not die. But here the process is missing, the pain, in other words, hunger."
"What do you mean?"
"You can only love those who have experienced the same pain. That… isn't your fault. Nothing can be done about innate nature. But it's possible to suppress or divert it a bit."
"Kiki."
Pale laughed.
"And then? Are you going to teach me that? Do you pretend to be my great master too? You, who don't even know what hunger is."
"I've come here for that."
Lucas's body rose calmly. And then slowly fell, landing not far from Pale.
And as if he were meditating, he sat gently on the ground.
"Here you don't need to eat to prevent your body from disappearing. And I can use the power of the Void I have acquired to change many things."
"And?"
"Here, I can starve infinitely."
“…!”
Pale shuddered.
"That's how I'm going to configure my body. First, so that my body can feel hunger, so that hunger and pain increase gradually with each passing day, but so that I never die."
“…”
"You say you can only love those who have experienced the same as you? And that you can't accept it unless it comes from someone who has experienced the same? Fine."
He had already understood "in his head" the pain Pale felt. So all that's left is to experience it for himself.
From there,
From there is the starting line.
"I'm going to start starving from now on. Until I can fully understand you. Or until you feel it too."
Lucas smiled.
Perhaps,
All the reincarnations Lucas had experienced were a time for this.
Tags:
TGMRA (Novel)