Aaron's Side Story Chapter 23: The First Dream (7)
"A genius of effort, huh."
"Of course."
Aaron sighed.
"Is that all you have to say? Please go back."
"Why? I just gave you a compliment."
"Do you think I'm an idiot? I know what you really mean."
"If you know."
The boy met Aaron's gaze.
Eyes like glass beads.
It was impossible to tell what he was thinking.
"Don't you think we should change things?"
"Change what? If it's the training method, I'm confident this is the best way."
He thought about it many times.
He constantly questioned if he was practicing wrong.
But this was the answer.
No matter how much theory he absorbed or how many formulas he memorized, if there's no enlightenment, he wouldn't progress.
Changing the training method wouldn't magically bring enlightenment.
Ultimately, it's a battle against oneself.
"No, not that. I'm talking about the psychological aspect."
"Psychological, aspect?"
"Do you know your own heart?"
Aaron furrowed his brow.
Suddenly, his own heart?
"Well, you see, most people hit a wall of talent and just try it a little. They know they can't do it, so they give up their dreams. But you're different. You hit the wall even though you know you can't, right?"
"...."
"Why? What's pushing you to the edge of the cliff?"
Aaron stroked his forehead.
Reasons for not giving up.
There were many.
If he continues like this, he'll be left behind by his comrades.
He doesn't want to feel the humiliation he tasted before.
He wants to become strong and help others too.
"I..."
"Is that your true heart?"
The boy cut off Aaron's words.
As if he knew what he was about to say.
"You don't want to be left behind. You want to be strong. You want to prove your worth? You're like that, you know. You all say the same things. That's the contradiction."
The boy said.
His voice was transparent.
"What's the purpose of your life?"
The purpose of life.
He'd known that kind of thing from the start.
Aaron muttered.
"To... return to my family."
His hometown where he was born and raised, Taonier.
His younger sister, the only family he had there, was waiting for him.
Aaron had to return to his family.
In his hazy memories.
His sister's sunshine smile came to mind.
"Is this your best?"
His best.
In other words, the boy was asking if Aaron was currently acting in a way that would lead to reuniting with his family.
".....I don't know."
Aaron couldn't say yes.
Currently, he's devoting time and effort to a talent he doesn't even have. Is that the best course of action to reunite with his family?
"Nina."
Aaron whispered his sister's name.
She wouldn't care if Aaron was strong or weak.
She would simply want her older brother to return safely as soon as possible.
Aaron felt the same way.
Actually, strength and weakness are unnecessary.
He just wanted to see his sister again.
"Why?"
Aaron questioned himself.
If he truly wanted to reunite with his family, then he couldn't understand the meaning of him spending time here.
"Your lobby has a master. Don't you trust him?"
"No, I trust my brother."
Han Israt.
Aaron had watched the man closer than anyone else.
He could trust him.
He knew that no matter what hardships or thorny paths awaited, he would eventually overcome them and bring about the future.
"Then why?"
It doesn't make sense.
The fundamental contradiction inherent in Aaron, the human.
"Why do you want to become strong?"
You're miserable because you lack talent?
So what?
You can give up.
Nina wants... this isn't it.
She'll welcome him with a smile if he just comes back healthy.
Why?
"..."
You hit a wall and give up.
It's actually nothing special.
It's natural.
Everyone hits a wall when they keep climbing and comparing themselves.
Even the most talented people.
Even a great river eventually faces the sea.
Comparison is the act of hitting a wall.
"When you meet a wall, you can turn back. It's not like you can't reach your destination, right? But you... you're going crazy, trying to break through the wall instead of taking the side path. Do you think that makes sense?"
There is a way.
It definitely exists.
Even his brother suggested another path for him.
He had offered him a position as a training instructor.
Many of his comrades were actually taking that path.
Is being an instructor a useless job?
No.
It's just as important and necessary as fighting on the front lines.
There are no unnecessary jobs in the lobby.
Aaron's honest and steadfast personality might be more suited for nurturing future seeds than being a warrior who breaks through the path ahead.
If that happens.
If that happens...
Aaron could achieve his hope.
He'd nurture heroes who could support his comrades and provide them with support.
And he'd restore the shattered Taonier to its original state and meet his sister with pride.
It's not shameful.
No one would laugh at him.
But why... why do I?
"I don't know."
Aaron grabbed his forehead.
A headache that had suddenly appeared was swirling in his head.
"It's strange. I was summoned to the lobby to meet Nina. Why am I doing this here? What does this have to do with Nina?"
Strange.
It was strange.
Why was he forcing himself?
Why did he come here, betting everything on a slim possibility instead of the clear path?
This isn't what Aaron wants.
"You want to prove your worth?"
Don't talk nonsense.
What are you going to use that for?
"Revenge against the world?"
You're showing that even a loser like me can do it?
Who are you showing it to?
Who will praise you for it?
"You want to help your comrades?"
Is this helping?
You arbitrarily forced your way in and got an opportunity.
You're betting your life on a choice that's clearly wrong, instead of the path that clearly helps.
"..."
The boy was right.
Aaron Delcut was a walking contradiction.
"How can you move forward when you don't even know who you are?"
The boy declared.
"You're right."
Aaron readily admitted.
He'd gotten the first button wrong.
"I want to know. What should I do? If you want me to know myself, what should I do? Teach me."
"First, you need to doubt if your memories are complete."
"Memories, you say?"
"You're a 1-star born, right?"
Aaron nodded at the boy's words.
He was a 1-star born hero.
In the world of Pick Me Up, he was an inferior consumable.
"Your memories, they have gaps, don't they? Do you know how your world was exactly, how you were summoned to the lobby?"
"That's true. I don't know for sure."
The lower the hero's star rating, the more flaws in their memories of being summoned.
This was information Han Israt had figured out through multiple cross-checks.
The same was true for Aaron.
According to his early memories, he was spending time with his sister when he suddenly woke up in the lobby.
This memory confusion causes many lower-star heroes to fail to adapt.
Of course, there are a few exceptions.
The vast majority of lower-star heroes experience memory confusion and loss during the summoning process.
"I did too."
However, the memory loss wasn't permanent.
If they successfully ascended, they could regain some of their forgotten memories.
Aaron had also regained some memories of Taonier as he ascended.
"Even so..."
They weren't complete.
There were gaps in his memories.
He realized that Taonier was destroyed by a calamity, but he didn't know what he experienced during that process.
"I need to know."
Aaron muttered to himself.
Somewhere in the memories that had fallen into oblivion.
There might be a hidden version of himself.
Until he illuminated that darkness, he wouldn't truly know who he was.
But how?
Reviving forgotten memories wasn't easy.
Some heroes in the lobby of Taonier had tried, but no one had ever succeeded.
The only way he knew was to ascend.
But that was impossible in this space.
Even if it were possible, there was no guarantee that the memories gained through ascension would be complete.
He needed to find another way.
"..."
Aaron looked to his side.
The boy was gone.
Of course.
It's something Aaron has to do himself.
He has to think and achieve it himself.
Aaron got up.
"If you don't know yourself, you can't move forward."
This was the boy's teaching.
The way to interpret the teaching is up to him.
After that day.
Aaron's routine had one more addition.
Writing a diary before bed.
Should it be called a diary?
Or should it be called a letter to himself?
He wasn't sure.
There was plenty of paper and writing implements.
So Aaron wrote.
What he knew.
From his oldest memory to his memory right before being summoned.
"I didn't... know this much."
He realized as time passed.
Most of his memories were shrouded in fog.
That's how it is with old memories.
They stand tall above some impressive events, but the surrounding scenery is blurry.
He had memories of having fun with his sister on a trip after a long time.
But what exactly happened then?
What did his sister say, what expression did she make?
The details were erased like a sand beach after the tide went out.
He wrote desperately.
He wrote even if he couldn't remember.
He forcefully pieced together the scattered puzzle of memories.
He knew it wouldn't be over in a day or two.
He had a gut feeling that this journey would go on for weeks, months, and even years.
But here, time existed endlessly.
There was no need to hesitate.
In the mornings and afternoons, he swung his sword tirelessly, sought knowledge from Sragin, and bandaged his calloused hands.
At night and dawn, he wrote letters and diaries to recall forgotten memories.
Torn wounds on his hand.
He'd shed a lot of blood.
The sweat he shed along with his efforts filled a bucket and then some.
The used paper became bundles and stacks, so much that even a large trash can couldn't hold it all.
* * *
The flow of time continued.
At some point.
The boy spoke these words.
"Hey."
"Yes."
"Which is the real you? You in Taonier or you now?"
"Why do you ask that?"
"It's strange."
The boy smiled mischievously.
"The time you spent in that lobby, maybe a year? Probably less than that, right?"
"That's probably true."
"But you've spent a lot more time here. So isn't the real you here? The Aaron from there has become fake now."
Aaron looked at the boy with sunken eyes.
If it were before, he would have gotten angry thinking the boy was ignoring him.
"Remember? You back there. What were you thinking? What emotions did you have in that situation? Can you still... fully realize yourself back then?"
Aaron couldn't answer definitively.
The boy smiled brightly and said.
"You know what's strange about being here? Humans. Emotions. They all feel pointless."
"..."
"There were quite a few people who came here before, right?"
The boy recalled the past.
A distant past.
"They all had burning passion. My passion for becoming strong will never die! Well, you know, it's something to be treated as a black history. You'd understand, wouldn't you?"
Aaron nodded.
Anyone who came here would have had that kind of resolve.
He had too.
"But they all realize. In the endless flow of time. That human emotions are... that resolve is... not eternal."
The boy said.
The burning passion that swore dreams.
The love of lovers who vowed eternity.
The desire to cherish family and be together.
They all eventually fade.
They finally fade away.
Like a flame with nothing left to burn, they turn to ashes and disappear.
"Long, long time, it leaves nothing behind for that human."
Aaron realized.
The boy is warning him.
"Then, what happens to those who are swept away by time?"
"They become not human. They can't feel anything. They become ghosts. Specters. It's not like it's happened only once or twice, you know?"
The boy swung his spear around.
It wasn't a practice wooden spear.
A black shadow rose ominously from the swirling tip of the spear.
The Ruin, a black spear.
It was a magical artifact that Master Loki had made for the boy.
"One of my roles is to take care of those specters."
"..."
"Those who can't move forward but can't retreat either, they're trapped in the flow of time and become specters."
The boy glared at Aaron.
He lacks talent and can't become strong.
Yet, he can't give up.
It was clear who he was talking about.
"Don't forget what I said."
A voice filled with killing intent.
Right now.
The boy is warning Aaron of his future.
"If I become a specter, you'll kill me... ?"
Aaron's expression hardened.
Then.
"Puuhaaat!"
The boy burst out laughing.
The spear was gone from his hand.
As if nothing had happened, the boy was grinning.
"Scared? Scared? You were scared just now, weren't you? You were terrified that I'd kill you, weren't you?"
"..."
"Hey, it's a joke, a joke! Do you think I'd really kill you?"
Aaron frowned.
"Oh, you're sulking? You're sulking, you're sulking! Look here! He's sulking!"
"I'm not sulking."
"Sulky people always say that, don't they? Why are you so narrow-minded, huh? You should be magnanimous! Like me!"
"..."
Was it a foolish worry?
* * *
And so.
Ten years passed.